Challenging behavior can feel like a puzzle with missing pieces. But what if we could see these behaviors as messages from the brain—a way our minds tell us, “I’m doing my best to protect you!”? That’s where a little bit of user-friendly brain science can make a world of difference.

Making the Invisible Visible

For over a decade, Drs. Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson’s house model of the brain has been making it easier to put complicated neuroscience into action. This model had a profound impact on me as a therapist when I read about it in their 2011 book, The Whole-Brain Child.

The Upstairs Brain—the upper, outer part of the brain known as the cerebral cortex—is the operating system in charge of almost everything we try to help our kids learn in life: communication, problem-solving, compassion, perseverance, caring for others, and so much more.

The Downstairs Brain—the limbic system and brain stem tucked deep inside the brain—is responsible for protection and survival. It literally keeps us alive (heartbeat, respiration, digestion, etc) and reacts in milliseconds to anything it perceives as a threat.

As I dug more deeply into The Neurobiology of Attachment-Focused Therapy (Baylin & Hughes) and Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory, it became clear that the same things that keep us alive can get us in trouble. This resonated with me both as a trauma survivor and in my work with kids and adults who had experienced significant developmental trauma.

Another metaphor started to take shape in my mind.

Instead of talking about “bad behavior” as maladaptive or even as a “defense mechanism,” what if we see it as the brain flipping into Protection Mode? Could we honor the courage of survival while also encouraging the shift to Connection Mode?

X-Ray Vision for the Downstairs Brain

While the possibilities are endless, the four animal protectors that seem to resonate most widely are: Porcupine, Tiger, Chameleon, and Turtle, each with its own unique way of handling stress.

Porcupine Brain: This protector reacts by making us more irritable or quick to complain and blame. This might be caused by big feelings like powerlessness or just needing a snack or sleep.

Tiger Brain: Closely linked to our fight-or-flight instinct, you might see this protector in action talking harshly about others, pushing for control, or reacting quickly to frustration. The Tiger’s job is to handle challenges head on, but sometimes it gets a little overzealous.

Chameleon Brain: This protector helps us avoid attention, conflict, or tricky power situations. When Chameleon is in charge, we might hide parts of ourselves to fit in or seek acceptance by trying to be perfect.

Turtle Brain: This protector retreats, conserving energy when we feel overwhelmed. We might go quiet, disengage, or zone out as a way to avoid the situation.

Each of these protectors has a valuable role, but they don’t know the whole story. 

Recognizing these protective states helps us connect rather than react. We can then gently invite our Upstairs Brain—the calm, curious, and creative part of us—back online to guide our responses.

Stay Curious…Playfully!

I love making tough stuff more approachable, dialing down the shame and blame that tends to come from the Downstairs Brain. Over the years, I have played different versions of the “Roll & Share Brain Game” with families, foster and adoptive parents, school staff, groups of kids and teens, mental health professionals, and pretty much any other group you can think of.

The game is simple, interactive, and a wonderful way to deepen connection, increase meaningful communication, and boost empathy. Here’s how it works…

Before You Play: 

If your group is not already familiar with the Upstairs and Downstairs Brain and our animal protectors, use Your Amazing Brain or Riley the Brave: The Little Cub with Big Feelings to share a little bit about the Upstairs and Downstairs Brain. Invite some curiosity about what it feels like when the Porcupine or Tiger Brain gets loud (tight chest, tense muscles, upset stomach, balled fists, etc).

Then, ask the magic question: What do you need? In that moment, what helps you move through the big feeling and find some Upstairs Brain steadiness again?

For the skeptics:

Acknowledge that this might feel awkward at first. Maybe playing a game about feelings is a brand new experience or talking about the brain in animal form seems silly and unnecessary. That’s completely understandable!

Knowing how helpful it can be, I then ask if they will take a risk with me and try it out.

Play: 

Players take turns rolling the die and responding to one of the two corresponding prompts. For example, if someone rolls a 4 (Chameleon), they might say:

• When I have a Chameleon moment, I feel/notice…that I just want to fix the problem so someone won’t be mad at me.
• When I have a Chameleon moment, it helps if I…take a break from social media for a while.

After your turn, pass to the next person. Continue going around the circle a few times depending on the time available.

Throughout gameplay or when wrapping up, encourage the group to reflect together, with a little curiosity and playfulness (not judgment).

For Education, Mental Health, and Social Work Professionals

Anyone who works with other humans can benefit from the “Roll & Share Brain Game.”

It can be used in families, groups, or one-on-one to help clients (ages 7-adult) recognize and talk about their Downstairs Brain responses.

This activity is particularly helpful in schools—for students and staff.

From Alaska to Kentucky to Delaware to New York, I have used this game with just about every configuration of school staff. They, in turn, often then bring it into their work as teachers, school counselors, paraprofessionals, principals, you-name-it! This playful way of naming our brain state brings a little lightness into tense conversations, reminding us all that these protective brain responses are part of being human. It also provides some practice with important Upstairs Brain skills.

A Final Reminder…

No one is a porcupine, tiger, chameleon, or turtle. You are amazing, courageous YOU! 

But we all have these protective powers inside us. 

Some are stronger than others. Some may have literally kept you alive at different points in your life. All of them deserve compassion and care from the Upstairs Brain.

I’d love to hear how it goes as you try this out! 

Shoot me an email or sign up below to stay in touch.

Glad we’re in this together!