Our brains love stories. It’s part of why love songs, movies, books, and even reality TV shows exist. Stories help us learn, they build empathy, and they help us understand ourselves more fully. 

In fact, your brain is constantly creating an internal story about yourself–based on both present and past experiences.

The One Where I Was a Baby Therapist

When I first started working in foster care, it wrecked me. So much uncertainty and grief. So many needs going unmet… the stories were dark. And it was a lot for me to wrap my head around. It usually took a good two hours of crafting and sitcom reruns before my brain and heart could settle each night. One of the shows I had on repeat at the time was Friends.

What’s interesting about our brains is that they aren’t very objective with their storytelling. Friends episodes are named in a more objective way: The One After the Superbowl, The One Where No One Is Ready, etc.

At the time, my brain was not writing objective stories.

It was The One Where the System Is Broken and Hopeless or The One Where I’m Not Doing Enough to Help.

The One Where Tiger and Chameleon Showed Up

Fast forward to today. I’m in the middle of (another!!) website overhaul, and my brain has been busy writing new episode titles. My Chameleon (perfectionist/people-pleasing) protector has been loud, and it teams up with Tiger to tell me all the things I’ve done wrong.

Their titles sound a lot like this:

• The One Where I Didn’t Hire the Right Person
• The One Where I Wasted Two Years and a Whole Lot of Money

Brains do that. They default to “better safe than sorry,” scanning for mistakes, missteps, and ways to protect us from judgment. The problem is that those stories aren’t telling the whole truth.

The One Where I Renamed the Story

A few years ago, my friend and fellow therapist, Pam Louie, shared the idea of using this episode naming to wake up our Upstairs Brains.

The One Where I Can’t Do Anything Right becomes The One Where I’m Working Really Hard and Getting a Lot of Things Right.

Or… The One Where Nothing Ever Changes becomes The One Where I See That One Small Glimmer of Hope From Today.

So, as I caught my Tiger and Chameleon Brain going round and round, I opened my journal and rewrote the episode title:

• The One Where I Was Faithful to What Was Asked of Me.
• The One Where I Did My Best to Solve the Problems Presented.

Same circumstances. Different story. And a much truer one.

And the next time my Downstairs Brain got loud, I opened my journal and got this helpful reminder.

The One Where You Try It Too

If your brain has been busy critiquing, defending, or second-guessing lately, maybe it’s time to rename the episode.

What is your brain calling today?

• The One Where I’m Failing?
• The One Where Nothing I Do Matters?

See what happens if you give it a new title:

• The One Where I’m Learning as I Go.
• The One Where I Did Some Really Hard Things the Best I Could.
• The One Where I Remembered to Breathe.

I hope this practice brings a little lightness as you keep finding your way through the heavy parts of life. That’s it for this episode… 

The One Where We Hold Hope Together.